You're so nebulous sometimes
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
