they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
