Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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