I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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