Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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