Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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