I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize