the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
