i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
