It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
