So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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