I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
