Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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