just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
