Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
