How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
