we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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