i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
