I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
