you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize