i wish starbucks made bloody marys
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
