Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
