I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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