hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
