Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
