And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
