Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YAS. BRING CRAB.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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