i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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