so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
