Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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