WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
