I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
