At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
