she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
