You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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