Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
