Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
two words: eviction party
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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