That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
