I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
