Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
