Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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