its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
