I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
