I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
