he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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