we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to jail i love you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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