All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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