my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
