he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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