hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
