Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
