first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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