so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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