Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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