I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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