Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
