I wannas sexs uuuuu
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
