But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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