hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
