so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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