If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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