Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
