How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Little spoons don't ask big questions
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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