I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
