finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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