the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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